April Book Review
Title: Let’s Talk About Love
Author: Claire Kann
Hello lovelies! For this book review, I will be using some terms in this review that you may have never heard before. I don’t want to assume anything, so I wanted to be upfront in explaining them to you. Of course, I can’t make the final call on every single definition, as some words will mean different things to different people, I only want to provide you with a basic knowledge of some of these terms, if they are new to you, so you can read my review without being confused the entire time, haha. Also, I am really putting myself out here as I write this review, so please don’t be too harsh, as this has proved to be a difficult piece to write because I made it personal, lol
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It is a spectrum, as opposed to a black and white thing. Some asexuals are completely sex repulsed and aromantic as well, while some tend to enjoy a bit of sexual activity, often for the pleasure of their partner.
An aromantic person is someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction. There’s no need for an aromantic to pair up with another person for romantic reasons. Aromantics are capable of feeling love - platonic love such as that between a mother and child or best friends is still love.
Biromantic asexuals seek romantic relationships for a variety of reasons including companionship, affection, and intimacy, but they are not sexually attracted to their romantic partners.
Greysexuals or “Grey Ace” individuals tend to experience more sexual feelings than someone who identifies as straight up asexual, but still less than the average bear. This definition is where I have found a home. I am not sex repulsed, and I greatly enjoy romantic relationships and the idea of them. As you can imagine, this book meant a great deal to me.
Aro: the easy abbreviation of aromantic.
Ace: the easy abbreviation of asexual.
So I thiiiiink that’s all that needs explained. If you have any more questions I am more than happy to answer them. Let’s jump in!
Let’s Talk About Love follows the story of Alice, a 19-year-old black woman who lives in California with her best friends, after a messy breakup with her girlfriend Margot, who kiiinda equated sex with love, and felt that Alice didn’t like her or find her attractive when Alice had trouble with the sexual aspect of their relationship. This wasn’t the case at all, but in their whole relationship, Alice couldn’t bring herself to come out to Margot, and if you don’t know or understand something about a person, how can you be expected to have some sympathy or compassion? So they break up. Alice finally explains the situation of her sexuality, and Margot does invalidate every part of Alice, going so far as to call her unnatural. This is textbook terrible, the number one ugliest thing to say to an asexual individual. Alice is hurt and broken after this, obviously, how could you not be hurt? HOWEVER!!! I do take issue with the fact that she was so incredibly juvenile about this whole situation. It’s a bit unfair of Alice to have expected grace from Margot about something that Margot didn’t understand. But hey I’m not a relationship counselor so, do your thing lol I don't think you MUST BE open about EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR IDENTITY EVER when a relationship starts, but maybe try to respect your literal actual breathing human girlfriend and treat her with decency? I mean like, by all means, wallow in your grief bc it FEELS BAD to be invalidated and break up, but I think a bit of an epiphany about sexual relationships in SPECIFIC relation to her relationship with Margot would've been SO cool to see.
Post breakup, Alice moves in with Feenie and Ryan, her long-time best friends. She works in her local public library (squeee!~) and meets a new coworker, who she immediately realizes exceeds her “Cutie Code,” jumped all the way to a color never considered before: BLACK. The cutie code has been the root of Alice’s aesthetic obsession, running the gamut from green to red, with blue, yellow-orange, and others in between. Alice loves aesthetics, and categorizing them makes her happy. Her Code has room for people, animals, photographs, and anything else like that. Takumi was UNCHARTED TERRITORY! She didn’t ask for these feelings, the cliche butterflies and blushing, but she’s stuck with them now, and she falls--HARD. The whole book follows their relationship as it develops, as well as her friendship and fights with Feenie and Ryan, and her parents. I love the way Kann paints her family. They are good characters who I personally felt got a balanced mix of background and development. Idk, I liked it. Alice has to handle telling her parents that she wants to abandon their dreams of law school, and be an interior designer, and I think it was pretty real, the way that turned out. They gave her grief about it, and it was definitely a huge deal, but I enjoyed that they were supportive after they came around.
The epilogue melted my heart like butter on popcorn, I am tickled pink that her asexuality wasn’t something that a Knight in Shining Armour could kiss out of her, or cure. I appreciated that.
Rating out of 5 Stars: 4/5. Oh my gosh! The characters were beautiful and imperfect, the story was sweet, and I loved that her asexuality wasn’t something that needed cured. It showed therapy sessions in a beautiful and accurate light, as well as highlighting the painstaking struggle of not wanting to disappoint her parents when she told them she doesn’t want to be a law student like her much older siblings.
That’s not to say that this book was perfect. I found great issue with the fact that Alice was a bit… childish, to say the least. There were a few times that I felt like her voice sounded like a high schooler and I had to remind myself she was my age.
I also wanted to bring up the fact that her asexuality isn’t the only way that asexuality looks like. It’s possible to be super attracted to people, gushing about how beautiful celebrities are and still identify as ace. I love people lol
This book was SO cheesy and I loved every second of it. I read it in an evening, and while I’m a quick reader, that still says a lot if I’ve finished a book in a few hours. I also definitely cried. I saw a lot of myself in Alice, especially in her anxious stream of consciousness LOL
Notable Quotes: “Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over...? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself. Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?”
“If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life.”
“But you know! You get it. I'm not trying to trivialize anyone else and what they have to do, but if I go to my parents and say I'm a lesbian, they would know what I meant. If I went to my siblings and said I'm bisexual, they would know what I meant. If I tell anyone I'm asexual, they're going to look at me like there's something wrong. They're going to tell me to go to a doctor. They're going to tell me I'm too young to know what I want or I'm still developing. Or they'll tell me how important sex is to finding a good man. Or they'll think they can fix me, that I'm lying because I don't want to sleep with them. It's hard enough trying to explain that word, so how in the hell am I going to explain I'm biromantic asexual? They're really going to think I'm making this shit up.” (BIG MOOD)
“He's beautiful, Feenie. I almost melted into primordial soup of Alice.”
“Love shouldn’t hinge solely on exposing your physical body to another person. Love was intangible. Universal. It was whatever someone wanted it to be and should be respected as such. For Alice, it was staying up late and talking about nothing and everything and anything because you didn’t want to sleep—you’d miss them too much. It was catching yourself smiling at them because wow, how does this person exist?? before they caught you. It was the intimacy of shared secrets. The comfort of unconditional acceptance. It was a confidence in knowing no matter what happened that person would always be there for you.” (See what I mean about feeling respected and heard in asexuality??? This book was so very important to me!!!)
“First of all”—Feenie pointed at her—“you are not broken and I don’t ever want to hear that again. Second, being attracted to one person doesn’t necessarily change who you are. Maybe you’re graysexual instead of straight up ace. There’s just something about the way Takumi’s genetic code arranged his face and body that appeals to your brain chemistry. It’s insta-lust. Enjoy it for what it is.” (SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS ARE THE BEST FRIENDS. FRIENDS WHO SMACK YOU OUT OF YOUR ANXIETY ARE THE BEST FRIENDS. FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY ARE THE BEST FRIENDS!!!)
Uncategorized Thoughts: I have talked to a few different people with different opinions, and book discussions are my favorite discussions, so it was cool to hear from those who didn’t like it for one reason or another. I still loved it, though I enjoyed it more when thinking critically!
How this book made me feel: Heard. Validated. Represented. As a biromantic asexual woman, seeing this book make my heart sing. There was no “curing” or “fixing” her, because Alice. Isn’t. Broken. Asexual people aren’t broken. Seeing the ending turn out so happily just… AGH I just love it. I Love It! You can be ace and in a relationship. Kann handled this so well. I cried, y’all. I cried. It’s so rare to see ace representation, and if it’s out there, maybe I just haven’t found it. I know that it was slightly stereotypical of what an ace person might look like but I’m not really that mad lol Just understand that when you’ve met an ace person, you’ve met ONE ace person.
Would I Recommend It?: I really want to scream this title from the rooftops. This book would be amazing validation for an ace person, and I imagine that it could help someone with questions figure out about some things about themselves. I am so wholeheartedly in love with this novel; I DEVOURED it in 5 hours. I made and ate mac and cheese at some point, and I know this only because there are dirty dishes in the sink, but don’t even remember tasting the mac and cheese, LOL. The characters were wonderful, the subject matter is IMPORTANT, and the diversity is rich and exciting. In short, absolutely!
